Post by Joanna on Oct 26, 2014 17:44:40 GMT -5
Satan's Handbook of Evil Halloween & Other Tricks
With Halloween around the corner, the ghosts, witches and demons are on the prowl. In honor of what Christian fundamentalists refer to as “Satan’s holiday,” following are a few nasty tricks to play on your friends – and a few truly evil tricks for your enemies:
1. Purchase a box of cream-filled donuts, remove as much of the filling as possible from two or three of them and replace it with mayonnaise. You can also replace the raspberry or strawberry filling in donuts with catsup.
2. Instead of making candy or caramel apples, make candy or caramel onions.
3. Smear the top of white solid deodorant with cream cheese.
4. Paint a bar of soap with clear nail polish and place it in the bathroom.
5. Purchase an x-rated DVD, visit a neighbor who has some snot-nosed brats you despise and replace one of their Disney or other “kiddie” DVDs with the x-rated gem.
6. If you’re mad at your significant other, roommate, or whomever, make him/her a chocolate milkshake and add a tablespoonful of chocolate ex-lax.
7. If you’re mad at someone, make him or her a strawberry milkshake and add a few tablespoons of Pepto-Bismol.
8. Buy several boxes of chocolate ex-lax – enough to create a hefty amount (a cupful, or more) – visit a neighbor who has a yap dog (or any other dog) you hate and drop the ex-lax into a bag of its doggie food.
9. If you have a neighbor you’re mad at, or just plain hate, get a small tube of colorless glue and squirt it into the lock on the individual’s apartment door, house, mailbox, etc.
10. Get an old medication bottle of Xanax, Valium, or other controlled substance, empty the medication, add a few Immodium AD or laxative pills and leave it on your desk at work, in the bathroom, or other location where you know someone is likely to steal it. You can even drop this one on the sidewalk somewhere and be assured someone will pick it up and think they’ve struck gold.
11. If you’re really, really pissed at your husband or boyfriend, slip a birth control or hormone replacement pill in his coffee, tea or whatever, every day and watch his feminine side develop.
12. If you have a spouse or significant other who has brats from a previous marriage or relationship that he/she forces on you every weekend, make the young demons milkshakes containing Dramamine (the original version that causes drowsiness) so that the hellions will spend the weekend sleeping and won’t bother you. When they awaken, make more milkshakes.
13. If you have a neighbor you don’t like, get a potato that will fit into the tailpipe of his or her car and stuff it in tightly. The engine will keep cutting off and no one ever thinks to check the tailpipe for a potato.
Sources: Metro and Truly Evil Halloween Tricks.
Note: These “tricks” are posted for entertainment purposes only.
